The Great FOMO Heemening

The boys are doomscrolling at 3am. Suddenly the chart starts printing beautiful green candles. One degen in the group chat screams:

"THIS IS THE ONE. FAT BAG INCOMING."

He liquidates his entire portfolio, maxes the credit card, and even borrows from his wife's boyfriend. "Ape now, cry later" — the sacred degen mantra.

Entry filled. 4 seconds later…

A colossal red dildo drops from the sky like it has personal beef with him. Portfolio goes from "we're so back" to "I'm financially ruined" in one candle.

The group chat turns into a warzone:

"BRO WHAT THE FUCK"
"I'M DOWN 69% ALREADY"
"MY KEYBOARD IS IN PIECES"
"I CAN HEAR MY ANCESTORS DISOWNING ME"

The boys are shivering. Some are rocking back and forth. One is hitting his keyboard so hard the neighbors think there's a domestic dispute.

Then… silence.

Out of nowhere, the biggest, thickest, most disrespectful green dildo you've ever seen in your life rips through the chart like it's on a mission from God.

IT'S SO BIG IT NEEDS ITS OWN ZIP CODE.

The same guys who were crying 11 seconds ago are now spam-sending rocket emojis and "WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK".

Moral of the story?

In this game you don't win. You just survive long enough for the next massive green dildo to save your degenerate soul.